Nightmare

The sound of an ambulance outside in the crowded city gives me a feeling of calm and comfort, as much as the sound of a plane crossing the night sky makes me nostalgic.
Last night I stepped from one nightmare to another , and one of them was you. My dream became intoxicated by your presence. .So much that I hated it, I couldn't take it anymore so I had to get up, keep my mind occupied with other things until the land of dreams threw me again naked and fragile in the arms of a stranger that gave me a dirty kiss.So I had to wake up again.
Today I forgot my wallet home so I couldn't do any of the things that I planned , my phone is still left to repair , who doesn't have my other number , well.. that's it.
I had to cross the city walking, but it's ok , I don't mind taking long walks, it helps me clear my mind and become more grounded. A part of the road I chose to walk along with the river and the sun.
Everywhere I go, my eyes and my ears are looking for her. I miss her sweetness.
I feel like I wanna sleep one hundred years. But I can't even take a nap, cz I have to meet someone later.
OM

A walk in the woods

            I took a long walk in the woods this morning and I felt like I was stepping into a forsaken sanctuary with its silence and its frozen trees; as if all the life left it along with summer's heat. The water of the lake reflecting the grey sky with the imperceptible motion of the clouds brought on my lips the words of a well known song "ike no mizu ga kagami mitai ni sora no ao no iro wo maneteru / kouen ni sumu mizu tori ga sore ni inochi wo ataeru ..."
            The wind moving gentle the surface of the water.
            Water..  the most versatile and powerful element on the earth.There's an old saying in china "women are made of water" (..and men of mud - or something like this) -maybe because they cry more,or maybe because of the fragile balance of yin and yang .. 
As for me, I already know that water flows inside me, it is my force .
OM

In the rain

Walking back home, under my electric pink umbrella, accompanied only by the sound of my heels on the pavement and the music of the rain all around me, with the mixt of the smells of smoke and autumn , with the colored lights reflected in the water, a symphony of senses , I felt like moving in an impressionist painting .

A wish

I wish I was a snowflake, carried away by the gentle breeze, over the silent city, over concrete and stone, over the black shilouttes , to rest on your palm, to be melt by your warm, to become part of your journey..

Today, 20 October 2016

I sat on the cold grass, in the thin air indulging myself in your universe. The few people that walked past my solitary place were casting inquiring glances. The pages in my hand were shivering like a small bird’s heartbeat. With each word I read , I was getting closer to understanding you, still .. there’s a long way till I can put your little infinite in my palm and look at it. 
At the pay desk, a man in his 30s carrying a basket full with greens in his hand was standing in front of me. He turned to me and with a large smile on the face, he offered me his place. I accepted the favor and smiled him back, ignoring his talking and found myself thinking : “it’s easy when you have a pleasant appearance”  
In the car, the driver starts chattering about politics and traffic and other small trivial issues . I treat him with silence. At the radio she’s singing my heart and my thoughts . I close my eyes and there I find myself trapped in one last fool’s dance: “  
“Une derniere danse/ Pour oublier ma peine immense..”  
Je remue le ciel le jour, la nuit
Je danse avec le vent la pluie
Un peu d'amour un brin de miel
Et je danse, danse, danse, danse, danse, danse, danse
Et dans le bruit, je cours et j'ai peur ..
Dans tout Paris, je m'abandonne
Et je m'envole, vole, vole, vole, vole, vole..  
Sur ce chemin en ton absence..

On my way , near my place I look again to that shut door , a simple white on black - from the outside, a lot of questions from the inside ,” today is not the day” I say and move on..
On the stairs , my neighbour, a very old lady with poor eyesight and a grouchy face is staring at me , I say “hello” ~ getting no reply, “she must have lost her hearing too”, I think.. At home, my cat says in her own special way that she missed me.

~ ~And I find you guilty for melting the ice on my window and opening my eyes to the world again.~ ~

OM

Foolish love game - my part

Venice, february 2014

The time for us to finally meet had come. The cool breeze and the slowly floating on the water can calm down just a little my emotions that I can feel deep in my chest, like birds willing to take their flight. The dark water all around me has its own life and story . Only by touching it, for a moment,  I can distance myself from my thoughts. 
The little boat reaches the San Marco square by the time when the last rays of the sun disappear behind the old roofs.I step on the ground and take a deep breathe,as much as my tight corset allows me to do it.The lights and voices around me make me feel like walking into a shiny dream.Everywhere people hide their thoughts and laughs behind their masks and beautiful clothes...I hide myself behind the black lace mask too. Will you be able to see me?! Will I be able to find you in the crowd, recognize you behind your mask!? Was it enough the time that we shared our most intimate thoughts and dreams,the time that you brought smile and light into my life?! Will I find among all these men the one who made my heart flutter with joy and pain? 
  I don't have the certitude that you could make it today, that you kept the promise we made one to another a month ago.I just have this feeling inside telling me that you are here, waiting for me, willing to find me as much as I do.
  Can be that man standing alone next to the street light, watching the people passing by?! I can't guess anything behind the white mask covering his whole face,but he has the same hight and body size as yours. Maybe if I can hear his voice, I will know.. "mi scusi, mi puoi dire per favore che ore sono?" "certo,sono le undici signorina" Disappointment.. ,he replyed to me with such a perfect italian accent.It can't be you.
  The time passes so fast and I still haven't found you yet. Maybe you are not here or maybe you already left. And all because of these stupid rules.The moon is ironically smiling to me from above.. it's like saying to me: "it's your game,Hana" 
My hand is touching the little black mask,with an increasing desire to take it off and shout out loud your name.But I won't do it!Are we really not able to see each other behind the masks, as we really are?!
   My steps already learned all the San Marco square's corners.With a shadow of sadness in my eyes,they take me to a narrow street nearby.I have no wishes nore thoughts left..I only listen to the sound that the silk touching my skin makes, and the sound of my footsteps."It's almost midnight and no sign of you yet,...."
And suddenly I have the feeling of someone following me.I turn around and there's a man standing in the middle of the road.A shiny golden mask with no smile on his face, dark red velvet coat, white shirt with lace collar and sleeves. I could say something but my lips are frozen.He slowly approaches me. What should I do?! what if it's not you?!and there is no one around us.My feet are frozen too.I try to look into his eyes but all I can see is shadow.He is now so close to me that I can feel the perfume coming from his clothes and skin.He touches my face,my lips.. his fingers are cold but it feels like they're burning my skin.He gently whisper to my ear: " I finally found you.."
OM