About my life

written on 11 april 2011
My life .. round circle where past meets the future in a glance & in a short, intense emotion, hard to define. My life.. going to extremes from boring to crazy days and not ordinary experiences..from pleasure to pain, from winning to losing control.. Director & spectator at my own show, stepping outside my emotions, the magician from the other side of the mirror, the one who knows the answers but never holds the keys, the keeper of too many secrets that lost their meaning in the fog of time. The shadow playing with fire and enjoying the game, but screaming inside. Yes, my life.. and now, it's not yet the time to step into the light and look deep inside..
OM

The deep meaning

'Que libres somos cuando sonamos! Las barreras del tiempo, las limitaciones del espacio, las leyes de la logica, las represiones de la conciencia.. todo esto desaparece y somos dioses de nuestras proprias creaciones fugaces.Freud atribuyo una importancia capital a nuestros suenos porque lo que creamos en ellos nos partenece de forma unica.Venia a decir que entender los suenos de un hombre es entender al hombre.'
Our mind is a place unexplored, they are so many things about ourselves that we don;t know and even can't imagine that we could do. We're all born in the same way, with the same potential but very few can pass the barrier of a superficial and material word.Very few look deep in themselves, to see who they really are and where their actions lead them.Yesterday I met an old man, around his 70s, a gentle, simple and opened character.He told me about some unusual experiences in his life.When he was 19 it happened during his study to lose himself from the body and fly .. Those experiences were so alive and unexpected but they didn't last for a long period of time, they stopped like they came, in a big mystery.Was his mind in Theta brain waves?! was he day dreaming?! During that he was that conscious that he was afraid not to 'lift to high and never being able to come back.Years later , one day his daughter,just a little child then, told him that she flew around the garden, he asked her maybe it was just a dream, she was very convinced that she experienced that for real.After 2 years of his mather's death, his sister saw her one night standing in the front door.She asked her for a piece of bread and after disappeared.His sister went to close the door; that night her neighbor's house was robbed, if she had slept with the door opened, who knows what would have happened.
OM

Every season has its own fragrance.
~ Winter has the fresh fragrance of the frozen nature and snow flakes melting on your face, gathering in your hair.The fragrance of the white purity shining like billions of diamonds in the moonlight, the fragrance of the ice flowers on the window, of the frozen water in the laundry left outside to dry in the cold wind. You can find it deep in your memory, in those days when you were just a child and everything was like an enchanted story, with lights and shadows, songs and joy in your heart, emotions and wonders..
~ Fall has the fragrance of decadence.. of nature and life cycle approaching to an end, the fragrance of dead leaves and stagnant water, of endless & cold rains..the fragrance of grapes, quince and apples.. of melancholy..
~ Spring has the fragrance of hope, of a new life, new love.. is the perfume of the first flowers, of new dreams, new beginning, of the spirits that slept too long and now they wanna come back to life.. I think I sensed spring today in the air, when I was walking in the crowd..
~ Summer has the fragrance of the sun, and of dust in the air.It's so strong and has so many flavors, colours and sounds.. it's dazzling like a dance of leaves in the strong wind..I like it the most ..
OM.

This is not an ordinary experience , it's something that most of the people won't experiment in their life .. I wonder where this will take me.. oh, I know I'm being bad, and that probably I'll be punished for my sin, but I'm enjoying my game, and my sin. I'm the cat playing with the mouse .. And I just realised that love is just an illusion.. sometimes it is so easy to create an illusion! and especially women fall so easely in this trap! I've been on both sides .. so I know well ..

About me in love

I can be like a cat sometimes, if you ignore me, I'll just ignore the fact that you ignore me,if you show me the door , I'll come through the window, if you ask me not to do something I'll just do it!! If you ask me to do something there is a possibility that I won't do it .. If you want to love me I might run away from you, If I want to love you, you just can't escape.. I'm very curious and if I find you different I might consider you the object of my study hahah..I'm too independent but I need your love and support kkkk I like to "hunt" for fun and I enjoy playing with my "pray"..Who doesn't love cats and find them hard to understand, cold or perverse means that he won't like me also.. so stay away from me kkkkk

OM

My world

When I was just a baby my mother's smile, voice and smell were my entire world.. When I was just a child my street and my neighbourhood were all I knew , stories and fantasies were mixed with reality & I had my own beautiful small world.. When I was just a teenager secret loves and poems made my days, my world was the town where he lived and the touch of his hand & long conversations were everything that mattered to me..but now that I grew up nothing of these matters anymore...my town is too small for me, my country is not my home anymore, it's like I don't know where my soul is anymore.. and the entire world is not enough for me! OM

The funny story about the little flower bouquet

Tocmai a trecut 8 Martie ziua femeii, a mamei, a fetitei in crestere.. so on..so on.. zi in care fetele/femeile primesc flori de la baieti/barbati sau mai degraba fac schimb intre ele de urari de bine si martisoare :)) de felicitari sau mai comod de mesaje pe telefon si pe internet.. LoL toate astea ma fac sa zambesc.. si m-au facut sa-mi aduc aminte de povestea hazlie a unui mic buchet de zambile.. O prietena primeste de 8 martie de la iubitul ei un buchetel de zambile.. nimic neobisnuit pana aici..numai ca ..el, (trebuie avut in vedere totusi si faptul ca erau de vreo 4 ani impreuna..)o intreaba inainte de a intra in casa parintilor ei.."S. e ok daca il dau mamei tale? ca n-am avut cand sa-i cumpar... " Ea "Da..e ok" ce sa zica.. Seara mama ei trebuia sa mearga in vizita la o prietena.. "S. te superi daca dau florile de la C. lui X?" haha.. si cine stie prin ce maini a mai trecut acel buchet pana sa apuce sa se ofileasca?! Cam asa se intampla atunci cand darurile nu se mai fac din inima ci doar din convenienta si obligatie.. bucuria comerciantilor :p trebuie sa traiasca si ei.. nu?!

OM

Despre prietenie si timp

Exista un singur lucru pe lume pe care nu-l poti schimba, nu-l poti controla, nu se modifica, nu se preschimba in altceva.. si acela este timpul, nu-l simti, nu-l vezi, nu bagi de seama scurgerea lui lenta dar sigura,decat cand e prea tarziu.Este ca o fiinta nevazuta , cu propria viata, care se contopeste cu a ta, cu a fiecaruia din noi. Caci fiecare din noi are propriul univers si propriul timp. Am incercat o data sa ii privesc trecerea lenta, sa-l constientizez sa-l desfac in clipe si fragmente, sa-l pot opri.. , dar nu am reusit, mi-a alunecat printre gene ca apa printre degete.Eram in clasa a saptea in scoala generala si eram de serviciu pe scoala, atunci asa se practica, acum nu mai stiu cum e.. tocmai terminasera de construit corpul nou al scolii, o cladire eleganta si diferita de ce vazusem pana atunci.Eram singura intr-o liniste perfecta si priveam umbrele pe care lumina le varsa pe culoarele lungi si inguste ale scolii.Imi ascultam pasii care isi aveau propriul ritm, diferit de cel al gandurilor mele.Pe atunci iubeam singuratatea, o preferam superficialitatii care ma inconjura iar rutina vietii de zi cu zi ma sufoca. Am iesit afara, era o dupa-amiaza perfecta de inceput de toamna, si ceasul imi arata ca nu peste mult timp va apune soarele.Mi-am amutit gandurile si am inceput sa devin constienta la schimbarile din jurul meu.Am ramas nemiscata privind in departare pe terenul de sport incercand sa surprind procesul de trecere de la lumina la intuneric, culorile care se schimbau, cele pe care inca le puteam percepe si cele care paleau acoperite de umbra.Nuantele care se schimbau, si clipele care treceau.. Am incercat sa opresc in mod artificial timpul, ca un aparat fotografic, si in cele din urma eu am ramas cea pacalita de el. E posibil sa fi durat doua ore.. o ora, jumate de ora, dar la final totul mi s-a parut preschimbat ca pe nesimtite,ca un vis, ca si cum in cateva secunde intunericul pusese stapanire desi statusem atata timp cu simturile toate ascutite.Timpul trece la fel orice s-ar intampla, pentru oricine.. si cu toate astea il percepem diferit. Cand evenimente fericite se precipita timpul e atat de grabit, ca un accelerat pe care am vrea sa il oprim, tragand semnalul de alarma.Iar privind in urma la ce a fost, el se dilata.. in loc de o zi par 2 sau 3.. Cand plictiseala pune stapanire pe tine si numeri secundele pe ceas, el pare mai lent ca melcul si iarasi privind in urma ,neavand nici o amintire a lui, el se comprima in mod inselator.Dar ce m-a facut sa vorbesc atat de mult despre timp? ultima mea postare.. din momentul cand ne-am intalnit prima oara pana acum, cand se apropie plecarea ta.. au trecut ceva luni,, dar au trecut atat de repede ca nici n-am realizat.Parca as fi vrut sa petrecem mai multe clipe impreuna, sa avem mai multe amintiri.. dar pana la urma tot aici am fi ajuns. Si atat de repede .. se pare ^_^ dar cu siguranta ca ne vom revedea , prietena mea !

OM

exciting to finally meet you! ^_^ ^_^

Out of time

I find myself these days somehow out of time.. This time is not enough for me.. anymore..
I need extra time. from another dimention..maybe.. but a second remains still one second.. the theory of relativity is relative..If it would be possible to cut the night sleep.. and only keep the naps..to short the distances between spaces,to make teleportation come true..
*see the successful teleportation of a laser beam of light from one spot to another ..
My brain will probably explode from all the images , sounds, informations that I'm feeding it with, I find myself in a state of mind that is hungry for more and more.. for more action, for more creativity, for more beauty, for more feelings, for more knowledge.. My body will probably collapse in the end..
*see exhaustion
also see lose weight..
so much energy.. so much ..
I don't have enough time but I still have a little time..
to work, ..
to walk,
to talk,
to think,
to sing,
to read
to feed
to feel
to breathe
to watch
to learn
to dream
to paint
.............
a little time ...
for my friends for my pets for my love for my soul for new people for beauty .....
OM

photography- Holger Pooten

Some of Holger Pooten's works.. great pieces ..

Non posso piu restare qui. Momento per momento vado avanti.E il flusso del tempo che non si puo fermare, non posso farci niente. Io vado...

The end of the road

He tells me to visualize a path ,to imagine how my feet touch the ground ,the physical sensation and noise that occurs at the impact.. The walls have fallen , the space spanned ,and I can see a plain burned by the sun and the wind softly moving the dried herbs.The path is so narrow that I can barely step.. undulating like a snake. Images change with dizzying speed . Now I'm on the edge of the mountain Ceahlau, not alone, someone is fallowing me a few meters behind. I am now in the forest, tall tree trunks rise like columns to heaven .. and suddenly .. memory film breaks. I'm now surrounded by black rocks that are over my head and join and separate, and again unite ..bluish black rocks. The sky is full of  threatening clouds and there is a silence like in a tomb ..I'm getting out of the dome of rocks and there's the end of the road. In front of me there is a gap and dawn at my feet the world lies green, beautiful , endless. The sun shines gentle, reddish , in a sunset . I feel dissipating and merging with the universe. I have no words ..And all this in just a few seconds .. like in a dream .OM


 Imi spune sa vizualizez o carare, sa-mi imaginez cum talpile mele ating pamantul, senzatia fizica si zgomotul care se produce la impact.. .. Zidurile au cazut, spatiul s-a intins, vad o campie arsa de soare si vantul miscand usor ierburile uscate; cararea e atat de ingusta ca abia pot pasi ..si unduitoare ca un corp de sarpe.Imaginile se schimba cu viteza ametitoare.Acum sunt pe marginea muntelui, pe Ceahlau, si nu sunt singura, cineva ma urmeaza la cativa metri; acum sunt in padure, trunchiurile inalte de brad se inalta ca niste coloane la cer ..si brusc.. filmul amintirii se rupe.. sunt acum inconjurata de stanci negre care se unesc deasupra capului meu si iar se despart,si iar se unesc.. roci negre cu reflexe albastrui.. cerul e plin de nori amenintatori si e o liniste ca de mormant..Inaintez singura , ies de sub acea cupola de stanci, si ma aflu la sfarsitul drumului.. in fata-mi se deschide prapastia iar acolo jos , la picioarele mele se intinde lumea intreaga, verde , minunata si fara sfarsit.Razele soarelui stralucesc blande, rosietice, intr-un apus.Am senzatia de disipare si contopire cu universul.Nu am cuvinte..
Si toate astea doar in cateva secunde.. ca intr-un vis.
OM

white trash beautiful

I'm running , it's only me with the road ahead of me; the rhythmic movement of my body, the muscles that flex and relax in the most perfect machine that now has its own consciousness, Just me and the road, and the wind sculpting my cheeks , and this music exploding in my ears and spreading into my brain, a fairy scene of vibrations and neural synapses WHITE TRASH BEAUTIFUL , and everything around me disappears I'M COMIN' HOME TO YOU , my house doesn't exists , it's there where you are , it's always the road that opens up in front of me and swallows me with an unseen force, SHE WAITS FOR HIM EVERY NIGHT , SHE LEAVES THE FRONT DOOR OPEN.. I remember my first flight, a detachment from myself, one part of me climbing to the clouds, another one pulling me down subject to gravity, like in an astral duplication ; I rent the air in transparent strips that whip my body.. THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.. MY HEART BELONGS TO YOU..and my wishper , and my silent cry I SWEAR TO GOD IT'S TRUE.. The darkness surrounds me ..millions of stars are witness to my storm, I'm calling my freedom, I'm calling you. HER LIPS STAY PAINTED RED, NAMETAG'S CROOKED. HER HEART'S BEEN GONE AWHILE WITH THE TRUCK DRIVING MAN THAT TOOK IT. SHE PRAYS FOR HIM EVERY NIGHT, SHE HOPES THAT HE CAN HEAR HER.... I wonder if you've ever heard

Alerg si sunt numai eu si drumul inaintea mea, miscarea ritmica a corpului meu, muschii care se incordeaza si relaxeaza intr-o masinarie perfecta care-si are acum propria constiinta, sunt numai eu si drumul inainte.. si vantul retezandu-mi obrajii, si muzica asta explodandu-mi in urechi, in creier , feerie de vibratii si sinapse neuronale,.. white trash beautiful.. si totul in jur dispare,.. I'm comin' home to you.., casa mea nu exista, e acolo unde esti tu, e drumul mereu care mi se deschide in fata si ma inghite cu o forta uriasa si nevazuta....She waits for him every night, she leaves the front door open....Imi amintesc primul meu zbor, desprindere de mine insami, o parte din mine sus urcand spre nori, o parte tragandu-ma jos supusa gravitatiei, ca-ntr-o dedublare; despic aerul in fasii transparente ce-mi biciuie corpul....there's something you should know..My heart belongs to you...si strigatul meu mut care incearca sa ajunga la tine.. ma intreb oare l-ai auzit vreodata?!....... My heart belongs to you....I swear to God it's true... intunericul ma cuprinde si se inchide in urma mea .. milioane de stele is martore la zbuciumul meu..imi strig libertatea, imi strig dorul, te strig pe tine..Her lips stay painted red, nametag's crooked..Her heart's been gone awhile with the truck driving man that took it..She prays for him every night, she hopes that he can hear her... ma intreb oare m-ai auzit vreodata?!

OM

38˚C

38˚C
Everything around me is about to melt and disappear in a shapeless mass.

The sidewalk is poured pitch, my feet burns and steps are crawling searching for the protection of the shadow at the edge of the road. The air appears to be dancing in the distance like in a dizzying game of wicked fairies. My blood boils. I'm recharging my batteries with the energy of the sun cz I can't stay still , if I would do that maybe I would evaporate. For the thirst that I have right now even a lake wouldn't be enough to satisfy it. I climb Rapa Galbena and when I'm about to cross the street I see behind a pillar a man around 40 with the belly generously pouring over his trousers belt. He takes a photo of me. He sees that I noticed him , I pick up the sun glasses and stare at him , as a sign that I know about it. He runs away.Strange.. I'm telling myself, I look back, no one on the street, no people, no cars, no buildings or beautiful views that could have arisen his interest. 

My steps take me to the first park in my way. I sit under the shadow of a chestnut tree, analyzing the chances to wake up with one of those spiky fruits in my head and preparing my self to enter in the universe of Chuck Palahniuk that I just bought in an antique book store.hmm.. a little out of reality..  I don't judge, cz ' A critic is a lame that teaches others how to run." and with what right I could judge it? It's simple, I like it.. or not! nothing more.Usually if a book doesn't stick on to me from the beginning , I can't finish it. But now is different.I will use my stubbornness in order to take this to an end.I will discover its meanings or maybe not ~ but at least I will be more closer to the world in which he stepped in, and maybe understand him. Maybe the images will appear different in my mind , cz everybody creates his own world inside.

I can't stay much longer in the same place.There's too many things too see and do, and the time is only one.

So I must go farther, leaving you behind..

*

Totul in jurul meu e pe cale sa se topeasca si sa dispara intr-o masa amorfa.Trotuarul e ca smoala proaspat turnata, talpile imi ard iar pasii mei se tarasc cautand umbra pe la marginea drumului.Aerul se vede dansand in zare ca intr-un joc al ielelor ametitor.Sangele imi clocoteste.Imi incarc bateriile cu energia solara caci nu pot sta pe loc, imi pare ca daca as sta m-as evapora.Setea ce-o am chiar acum imi pare ca nu s-ar satura cu un lac intreg.Urc Rapa Galbena si cand sunt pe cale sa traversez, vad dupa un stalp un barbat cam la 40 de ani, cu burta revarsandu-se generoasa peste centura pantalonilor negri. Ma fotografiaza.Vede ca l-am observat, imi ridic ochelarii de soare si il tintesc cu privirea in semn ca l-am vazut.Fuge.Ciudat.. imi spun.. ma uit inapoi.Sunt singura pe strada.Nu oameni, nu masini.Nu cladiri sau peisaje care sa-i fi starnit interesul.Picioarele ma poarta catre un parc, primul din cale.Ma asez la umbra unui castan, analizand sansele sa ma trezesc cu vreun fruct de-al lui tepos in crestetul capului.. Ma pregatesc sa patrund in universul lui Chuck Palahniuk pe care tocmai l-am achizitionat ..multumita ca am gasit intr-un anticariat 2 carti de el la un pret derizoriu.Hmm.. un pic desprins de realitate...In alta situatie, daca o carte nu se lipeste de mine din start, are slabe sanse sa o insotesc pana la ultima pagina.Nu critic ;caci asa cum spune un proverb "un critic este un schiop care-i invata pe altii sa alerge" si cu ce drept l-as critica? Totul se rezuma firesc la un fapt simplu: imi place sau nu-mi place.. nimic mai mult.Dar acum e diferit. Ma voi servi de incapatanarea care-mi sta uneori in fire si il voi parcurge pana la final.Ii voi descoperi sensurile, sau poate nici macar atat .. in schimb voi fi un pic aproape de el, voi parcurge acelasi univers pe care el l-a parcurs.Poate imaginile se vor contura altfel in mintea mea, caci fiecare ne creem propriile lumi.Dar materia prima va fi aceeasi.Dar nu pot sta prea mult intr-un loc, la fel cum nu pot sta prea mult in inertie.Sunt prea multe lucruri de facut, si multe alegeri iar timpul e unul singur.
OM